We all grieve. There are varying degrees and some of it can be mind-numbingly shockingly awful, completely consuming and life-changing, but the only permanent thing in life is ‘Change’ so we are all grieving sometimes, but at different levels.
Grief itself has well documented stages – Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. We can get stuck at any one of these at any time, fluctuate between them all and endure an entire emotional catalogue to boot too.
When we have lost someone or something we have come to treasure, there seems to be a certain time-frame that we are expected to suffer for. After that, depending on the severity of it, we are supposed to pull ourselves together – the harshest person of all on us normally being ourselves.
I’m not going to make light of this subject, but I want to move on to what often remains when the worst has passed: Sadness. This can make you fat.
Feeling fat makes us sad. Feeling sad can make us fat.
Being January and everywhere I look loads of us are trying to lose weight, I want to be brave and say it doesn’t matter how much dieting you do, how much weight you lose, if you’re holding on to some grief, you will want it back on. Not consciously, I understand that, but unconsciously.
The subconscious is very powerful. It will want you to feel cocooned i.e. comforted and protected from your residual pain.
Actually, in your heart, you will want that too, so it won’t feel or be ‘the right time’ for you to lose weight.
I’m not talking about when grief is still raw – we can all lose shed loads then, I mean when time has passed, things have changed and you can’t settle. It’s easy to ‘comfort eat,’ not to mention ‘comfort drink!’
This might be nothing to do with the death of a loved one. Grief comes in many forms and from many places. So my advice to you, if you want to lose weight and you are feeling rather sad about it, is to focus on any grief you might be holding onto, stuff you may not have moved on from, that is stuck in your soul.
This is easier than you might first think. Remember your breathing and sitting quietly? When you’ve got the hang of the simple things like those, let your mind wander around your body. See what you can sense, which memories surface, how feelings flow. Let them all come. Have a good cry and a strong, sweet cup of tea.
Whether you have a biscuit is up to you. You’ll undoubtedly deserve a couple! And when the time is right, when you have let go of the extra sadness you were holding onto – because some of it will rightfully remain sometimes – you will be able to let go, loosen up and lighten up, literally.
Do let me know how you get on with these meditations / visualisations. Any problems, just holler. You can leave a comment or e mail me privately at any time regarding this or anything else.
Plus, I have introduced a new page for any spiritual stories whatsoever. They are always interesting and back up my work here, so please feel free to share!
So, so very true, and the very reason why I can’t be bothered to diet, exercise, and go back to the great food I was eating before the birth of Little A. It’s been three years and I’m still grieving over the birth and shock of becoming a mother in the way I did. Thank you for the breathing reminder! XXX
Shock hangs around for a long time. In all my years practising, most problems stemmed from it originally emotional stuff, accidents and lots of birth stuff actually – for the children as much as the parents. You’re welcome X
Yes, this is so true, and as you say it doesn’t have to be a death that leaves you grieving, it can take many other forms too. Great post. x
Thank you Polly X
Bloomin wise words. I am experiencing a bit of this at the moment. I’m trying to clean up my act on the sugar front and I am more than capable of doing it, I’ve done it before, but I keep find myself reaching for it and it isn’t a physical addition thing, it is because deep inside there is something that is unsettling me and until that is resolved I am going to find it hard to not sabotage myself. Onwards and upwards eh! xx
Well only you have the answer Luci and I don’t mean to be flippant – it’ll come when you’re ready. At least you’re AWARE of that – and that is the biggest step! It’s a pleasure to see you over here XX
You are right, I already know the answer, I’m just not quite there on the acceptance front yet! xx
Again, no hurry. Anything I can help with, just shout X
ahh very wise, and it makes a lot of sense x
Ah, thank you. The more you look, the more you see!
Gosh, I really thought I was in a good place! There is really nothing in my life just now (apart from wishing we had more money – so maybe it’s that and security for the future) that I’m not happy about, so I’m not sure why my weight yoyo’s so much and yet always goes back to about 12 pounds over my goal! *meditates*
You probably are in a good place – it’s old stuff that normally hangs around. Let me know how you get on X
This makes loads of sense to me. After we lost our son, I became a skeleton, I stopped eating all together. Four years and 2 children later, my weight has gone up and down constantly, but never back to my pre pregnancy weight. I have days where I forget to eat and realise at about 4pm that I haven’t eaten. Other days I “think” I’m hungry all day. I know there has to be underlying factors. I just need to get them clear in my mind.
I’m so sorry to see that about losing your son. I can’t conceive moving on, but you have. Some stuff will remain for ever, but other stuff can be addressed. Your pain is awful to comprehend and when you’re ready to address it, I hope this will help X
I am nodding. I had just achieved fitness nirvana when mum died and it has been a real battle to get back on it. This was an amazingly liberating read Anya thank you x
Thank you. Try to not to hurry back. Try not to force it. Try to allow it. XX
No wonder that I have so much extra weight! I know I just had a baby but even before I had problems handling it.
Since my grandmother died I feel lost and I still cry over her death.
Plus I have two other reasons why I still…it’s grief over my own life and the things that happened to me…
How Anya! How am I going to go over them?
I’m lost:(
Hi Otilia, Can you write it all to me and we’ll go over it together? I’m so sorry for your losses – we can work through this slowly but surely XX
I must have missed this first time round, but you are, once more, spot on with this.
Grief and loss for me left a hollow that demands to be filled.
It’s so powerful – that hollow – and it’s natural to need to fill it. I guess the only power we can try to have over it is in the choice of how or what we do with it?